No Bitterness Allowed

The writing that I've done in the past few days has caused me to think about the bad times far more than I normally do. I decided very early (with some help from a wise doctor) that I needed to focus on building a new life. After all, that's not an easy task.

I also knew that it would be very, very easy to become bitter; to spend far too much time obsessing about what I didn't have because of the years of illness.

Writing the last few entries has sent my thoughts down a path I normally don't follow, and it's been troubling. I didn't think well at work today and that's disturbing.

I need to list some accomplishments here, to remind me that the past is past.

In the years since I started taking lithium, I have

• Bought and sold a house
• Traveled overseas alone and with a group
• Become financially stable
• Risked marrying again
• Recognized a mistake and got unmarried again
• Purchased two cars without anyone's advice
• Learned to bid at an auction ("real" and Ebay)
• Learned new techniques for my job
• Begun winnowing out my possessions
• Studied meditation at a zen center, and attended services for a year or so
• Begun giving to charity on a regular basis
• Quit smoking
• Been a companion to my elderly father
• Become a moderator for an on-line political discussion group
  

I'm sure there are other things that I can't remember, but this is a good start. It could be better, yes - and I think it will be - but it could also be a hell of a lot less.

Life is good, and I have a feeling I'll sleep better tonight, work better tomorrow, for remembering that.