Monday, August 3, 2009

No Bitterness Allowed

The writing that I've done in the past few days has caused me to think about the bad times far more than I normally do. I decided very early (with some help from a wise doctor) that I needed to focus on building a new life. After all, that's not an easy task.

I also knew that it would be very, very easy to become bitter; to spend far too much time obsessing about what I didn't have because of the years of illness.

Writing the last few entries has sent my thoughts down a path I normally don't follow, and it's been troubling. I didn't think well at work today and that's disturbing.

I need to list some accomplishments here, to remind me that the past is past.

In the years since I started taking lithium, I have
  • Bought and sold a house
  • Traveled overseas alone and with a group
  • Become financially stable
  • Risked marrying again
  • Recognized a mistake and got unmarried again
  • Purchased two cars without anyone's advice
  • Learned to bid at an auction ("real" and Ebay)
  • Learned new techniques for my job
  • Begun winnowing out my possessions
  • Studied meditation at a zen center, and attended services for a year or so
  • Begun giving to charity on a regular basis
  • Quit smoking
  • Been a companion to my elderly father
  • Become a moderator for an on-line political discussion group

I'm sure there are other things that I can't remember, but this is a good start. It could be better, yes - and I think it will be - but it could also be a hell of a lot less.

Life is good, and I have a feeling I'll sleep better tonight, work better tomorrow, for remembering that.

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